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Some
Ideas About Friendship
By Kate Eschen
|
| Westgate's
Cougar Pride character trait for June is Friendship.
What is a friend? It is not as easy an answer as you
might first think. Friendship means different things
to different people and often it is easier to describe
rather than define friendship. Friendship involves accepting
others for the way they are. It is connecting with people
who need you and with those who you can count on, even
in bad times. Friendship involves feeling close to someone
and sharing feelings with them. Friendship involves
spending time with someone you enjoy. Your child is
probably making friends and working at friendships everyday
and needs you to help guide them through the constant
ups and downs of relationships with their peers.
Being
a good friend involves skills that some children naturally
demonstrate as well as skills that most children need
to learn. As a first step, encourage your child to
think about what qualities they look for in a good
friend. The list below may be a good place to start
but your child may have their own specific needs.
Maybe it's that they share interests with their friends.
Or that their friend respects different opinions.
Maybe it's being able to laugh with their friends.
Or that their friend is always considering others.
After they have identified what makes others good
friends, encourage them to reflect on their own actions
and skills. Look at the list below and ask your child:
What are your strengths as a friend? What are areas
you could work on to be a better friend?
Friendship
Qualities:
Accepting
Caring
Cheerful
Considerate
Cooperative
Dependable
Easy-going
Fair
Forgiving
Fun
Generous
Good listener
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Good
sport
Helpful
Honest
Kind
Loyal
Patient
Sense of humor
Sincere
Supportive
Thoughtful
Trustworthy
Understanding
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As
with all character traits, one of the best ways children
learn is by watching their role models (you!) being
good friends to others! When you spend time with your
child identify examples of friends and family using
good friendship skills. When you read with your child,
point out examples of friendship skills in those stories.
|
Some
Ideas About Helping Others
By Kate Eschen
|
| Westgate's
Cougar Pride character trait for May is Helping Others.
As violence and cruelty become more common, and almost
acceptable, in our society, we need to help all children
to become kinder and gentler. Researchers used to believe
that a sense of real caring about others only came as
people grew into adulthood. But we know now that children
can show signs of empathy and concern from a very early
age. They react with concern when they see unhappiness,
wanting to help or fix the problem. And children who
are involved in helping others generally feel more positive
about their lives and have high hopes for their own
futures.
The
most important thing you can do as a parent is to
let your child know how much it means to you that
they behave with kindness and caring. When you see
your child doing something that you think is thoughtless
or cruel, you should let them know right away that
you don't want them to do that. Speak to your child
firmly and honestly, and keep your focus on the act,
not on the child personally - something along the
lines of 'What you did is not very nice' rather than
'YOU are not very nice.' Conversely, when you see
your child behaving kindly or helping others, praise
them for their actions.
Educate
your children about famous altruists. Local museums
can provide an inexpensive and enjoyable way to do
this, as can television specials and books. Talk to
them and find out who they admire, and why. Find organized
ways for your child to get involved. Let them know
about places in the community where they can volunteer,
and encourage them to join. Many volunteer organizations
and churches have special programs for young people.
In order to encourage your child to help others, talk
about helping others. Whenever you can, make the point
that we all help each other and all need each other.
Show it in small ways. For example, ask your child
to move an elderly neighbor's newspaper off the lawn
onto her porch as your child walks home from school.
Encourage them to get involved with fundraising events
at school.
Help
your child to develop a sense of caring and compassion
for others by showing them love everyday. What most
inspires a child to grow up caring about others is
the caring that they receive. The nurturing and support
they receive from their loved ones provides a perfect
model. When your child knows they have a secure base
at home, they'll be more likely to venture out and
pay attention to others. Keep showing your love and
supporting your child in everything they do!
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Some
Ideas About Tolerance
By Kate Eschen
|
| Westgate's
Cougar Pride character trait for April is Tolerance.
Tolerance is respect, acceptance and appreciation of
diversity in cultures, forms of expression and ways
of being human. It is maintaining harmony in difference.
Teaching Tolerance, a project of the Southern Poverty
Law Center, provides 10 tips for nurturing tolerance
in children. (For more information, visit www.tolerance.org).
1.
Talk about tolerance. Tolerance is an ongoing process.
Establish a high "comfort level" for open
discussions about social issues. Let your child know
that no subject is taboo.
2.
Identify intolerance when your child is exposed to
it. Point out stereotypes and cultural misinformation
depicted in movies, TV shows, computer games and other
media. Do not let the moment pass. Begin with a qualified
statement: "Andrew just called people of XYZ
faith 'lunatics.' What do you think about that, Zoe?"
Let your child do most of the talking.
3.
Challenge intolerance when it comes from your child.
When a child says or does something that reflects
biases or embraces stereotypes, point it out: "What
makes that joke funny, Jerome?" Guide the conversation
toward empathy and respect-"Mimi uses a walker,
honey. How do you think she would feel about that
joke?"
4.
Support your children when they are victims of intolerance.
Respect your child's own struggles by acknowledging
if they become targets of name-calling or bias. Provide
emotional support and help brainstorm constructive
responses.
5. Foster a healthy understanding of group identity.
For children, group identity is critical. Remind them,
however, of three things: 1) pride in our own groups
does not equal disrespect for others; 2) no group
is entitled to special privileges; 3) we should avoid
putting other groups down as a way to elevate the
status of our own groups.
6. Provide materials with diversity themes in your
home. Read books with multicultural or tolerance themes
to your children. Assess the cultural diversity reflected
in your home's artwork, music and literature. Add
something new. Give multicultural dolls, toys or games
as gifts. Bookmark equity and diversity Web sites
on your home computer.
7.
Create opportunities for your child to interact with
people who are different from them. Visit playgrounds
where a variety of children are present-people of
different races/ethnicities, socioeconomic backgrounds,
family structures, etc. Encourage your child to spend
time with elders-grandparents, for example.
8.
Encourage your child to use community resources. If
a child is interested in stars, visit the local library,
museum or planetarium. A child who is concerned about
world hunger can volunteer at a local soup kitchen
or homeless shelter.
9.
Be honest about differences. Do not tell your child
that we are all the same; we're not. We experience
the world in different ways, and those experiences
matter. Help your child understand the viewpoints
of others.
10.
Model the behavior you would like to see. Be consistent
in how you treat others and in your commitment to
tolerance. If you child sees you treat people the
same, with respect and honesty for their differences,
they will likely do the same.
|
Some
Ideas About Sportsmanship
By Kate Eschen
|
| Portions
of the following information are excerpted from an article
in Education World by Lori Gano-Overway, M.S., which
was reprinted from an article in Spotlight on Youth
Sports, a publication of the Institute for the Study
of Youth Sports (YSI) (http://www.education-world.com/a_curr/curr137.shtml).
Westgate's
Cougar Pride character trait for March is Sportsmanship.
Sportsmanship involves striving for success, while
maintaining a commitment to being fair, honest, and
respectful. It includes following the rules and maintaining
ethical or moral standards. With that definition in
mind, consider the following:
A
young basketball player takes a cheap shot at her
opponent and does not get caught by the referee. After
the game, she gloats about the move and her teammates
congratulate her.
After
placing second in the finals of the 100-meter freestyle,
a disappointed swimmer walks away from an opponent's
handshake and throws his goggles on the deck.
Sports
behaviors such as these do not create as much attention
as some behaviors of seriously delinquent athletes
and, yet, these behaviors are unsportsmanlike. Moreover,
sportsmanship doesn't only happen on a playing field
or court. Children at school and play, as well as
adults in the workplace, require the ability to demonstrate
sportsmanship with their peers. Helping your child
to appreciate a commitment to fair and honest work
and play can help them succeed in life. Teach them
to steer clear of the winning-at-all-costs mentality
and encourage them to remember to follow the rules
and appreciate the experience. Encourage them to concentrate
on making goals for themselves and improving on their
own mastery of a subject, sport or activity. Research
suggests that the display of sportsmanlike behavior
is influenced by the goals which are emphasized behind
an activity. Athletes who focus on self-mastery and
personal improvement are more likely to perceive the
purpose of sport as teaching values such as working
hard, cooperating with others, and becoming good citizens.
Also, athletes who recognize sportsmanship values
do not endorse cheating or place an emphasis on beating
others.
Five
simple things you can do to model being a good sport
for your child: 1) Cheer for all the children, even
those on the other team; 2) Talk to parents of the
other team; 3) Thank the officials; 4) Be a parent,
not a coach; resist the urge to critique; 5) Stay
active (and model good sportsmanship and self-mastery
goals in your activities).
Teach
your child that involvement in sports or competition
is about personal goal setting and improvement. Help
them to become encouraging and supportive to their
team and classmates. Teach them that success and striving
for excellence is okay as long as it does not come
at the expensive of the rules or another person's
well-being.
|
Some
Ideas About Independent Work Habits
By Kate Eschen
|
Westgate’s
Cougar Pride character trait for February is Independent
Work Habits. A child’s ability to work on their
own involves many skills such as planning and organization,
listening to and following directions, initiating and
completing tasks, persisting when things are challenging,
maintaining focus, and knowing when to ask for help.
Having pride in one’s work and progress is a big
factor in the motivation behind these skills. Self-discipline
is pretty hard to muster up when a person feels little
chance of success or consistently fails.
At school, we want to build on your child’s successes.
We try to approach new and more difficult tasks from
the place of a child’s strength. In this way, a
child may be better able to approach unique and possibly
more frustrating tasks from a place of confidence and
pride. They are naturally going to be more “invested”
in their own learning. This is why we spend so much
time trying to understand a child’s learning style.
We test, we observe, we discuss, and we conference with
you. Helping your child become more independent and
confident is a total team effort. It is a long process;
one that continues throughout your child’s school
career. It is important to start small, both appreciating
and allowing for developmental readiness and learning
style.
A common and well meaning mistake many of us make when
asking children to remember things, is moving too quickly
out of their “independent” level into “frustration”
level. In the frustration level, children need us to
help teach the skills. We may ask our child to run upstairs
and put on their shoes before breakfast, and then when
he is half way up the stairs, we say after him, “Oh,
and don’t forget to bring down your backpack and
homework folder when you come down.” For a child
who has weak auditory memory or attention skills, this
may be too much to remember and they get muddled somewhere
in their room. You may run up the stairs ten minutes
later to find them on the floor playing with legos instead.
Try to figure out just how many things your child can
remember at once. Many children need one direction at
a time, or need multiple step directions to be written
down on a little list they can check or refer back to.
A rule of thumb is always to start where a child is,
rather than where we think they should be. Appreciate
individual differences in their style of learning, thinking,
and doing. Notice whether your child is naturally organized
and sequential or whether she or he is more global and
holistic. Notice how accurately they hear and attend
to details versus how they attend to and remember what
they see or what they do with their hands. This will
give you a clue as to the kinds and degree of help they
need from you, the coach. It will give you a clue as
to what is appropriate to ask them to do independently
versus needing help from
you. Remember that pushing a child into their frustration
level only delays independence and confidence. Acquiring
independent work and study habits is a gradual learning
process just as much as learning to read and write is.
Always celebrate small steps and successes with your
child. Pride is built from the inside
out, and comes from the experiences of success and mastery. |
Some
Ideas About Problem-Solving and Decision Making
By Kate Eschen
|
| Westgate's
Cougar Pride character trait for January is Problem-Solving
and Decision-Making. Children are faced with many experiences
that require good problem-solving and decision-making
skills. Some decisions, like whether to eat breakfast,
happen almost automatically and don't require a whole
lot of thought. On the other hand, some decisions, like
how to resolve a conflict with a friend, require a lot
of thought and can be tricky for children to reason
all the way through.
Help
your child to make wise decisions by teaching them
a problem-solving technique. Each child and each problem
is different and therefore each child, and problem
they encounter, may require a slightly different method
to arrive at a solution. However, below are some basic
steps that can help most children reason their way
through a problem to come to an informed decision.
The
first step in problem solving is identifying the problem.
Some problems can be solved simply by taking a good
look at the situation. Others require more than just
a definition of the problem and, yet, still need to
be clearly identified.
The
second step in problem solving is brainstorming solutions.
Encourage your child to think of at least three different
solutions and do not discount "wrong" or
unhelpful solutions; discussing the effect of "wrong"
solutions in the next step can help your child learn
more about effective decision-making and will improve
their ability to brainstorm helpful solutions next
time.
The
third step in problem-solving is examining each possible
solution. For each solution that was brainstormed
ask: 1) Is it safe? 2) Is it fair? 3) How might people
feel about it? 4) Will it work? By using each of these
questions to examine their solutions, your child will
be able to reflect on the positive and negative aspects
of their different options.
The
fourth step in problem-solving is choosing a solution.
The solution your child chooses should be the solution
which is best, based on the answers to the above questions.
Encourage your child to choose a solution that is
fair, safe, the best for all people involved and one
that they feel confident will work. Try to let them
make their own choice, even if you don't think it's
the "best" choice, and encourage the final
step in problem solving: examining if the chosen solution
is working. If their first solution isn't working,
help them to choose one of the previously brainstormed
solutions or to start the problem-solving process
over.
By
helping your child through this process step by step
your goal is that they will begin to internalize their
own system for problem-solving and eventually be able
make wise decisions on their own!
|
Some Ideas About Cooperation
From Your School Psychologist
By Kate Eschen |
| Westgate's
Cougar Pride character trait for December is Cooperation.
Children are asked to cooperate with their peers, siblings
and adults every day in a variety of situations. When
people work together they can save time, think of additional,
or more creative, solutions to a problem, have fun and
produce better, more thorough work. A cooperative environment
is one where everyone in the family or group wins; there
are no losers. By learning to support and assist each
other in small daily tasks, we set the stage for encouragement
and a willingness to become self-reliant.
At
Westgate we are working to teach our students that
their classmates are potential collaborators, not
opponents, rivals, or obstacles to their own success.
In cooperative settings, every person's role is important
and valued. Individuality is respected, and concern
for the needs of others is fostered. The challenge
shifts from "striving to be number one"
to working toward a mutual goal or helping everyone
achieve. The idea that we all share in decision-making
is a powerful tool and we strive to make this a reality
in our school. Encourage your child to do their best
at school but also to work flexibly and cooperatively
with others. Help them to see that learning with and
supporting others will ultimately make them more knowledgeable
and successful.
Outside
of school, encourage your child to join a group that
fits their interests: sports teams, book club, chess
club, debate team, acting class. Teach them the value
of being a member of a team or group and of supporting
all people (those on their team as well as those on
other teams). Hurt feelings and arguments can often
result from competitive play so it is important to
maintain an emphasis on participation, acceptance,
and the joy of the experience. Help your child to
understand that, in the end, their relationship with
others counts more than coming out on top.
Develop
collaborative opportunities for your family. Build
something together. Clean out or organize a family
space. Plan a vacation with everyone's input. Allow
your child to voice their opinion and teach them to
listen respectfully to others' opinions. By doing
so you allow your child to learn that their and other
peoples' voices matter. By encouraging cooperation
in a variety of family activities you can create a
climate of compromise and teamwork between your family
members.
Cooperativeness has been linked to greater learning,
emotional maturity, and strong personal identity.
Individuals who are able to master engaging in cooperative
work often become more flexible in their thinking
and demonstrate a willingness to invent creative solutions.
The result is enjoyment, personal confidence, and
a feeling of self-worth. As your child's personal
power grows, they get that "I can make-a-difference"
feeling and they increase their connection with the
people around them.
|
Some
Ideas About Respect From Your School Psychologist
By Kate
Eschen
|
Westgate's
Cougar Pride character trait for September is Respect. Respect
for others is built from a child's self-respect and self-appreciation.
It means showing regard for the worth of someone or something.
It requires judging one's own life and the lives of others
as having inherent value. It means an appreciation and high
regard for the environment, the community, the property
of others, and the rights of others.
Children
learn that they are respectable by how they are respected,
loved and listened to in their experiences with others.
They learn to respect themselves by the example of the adults
and peers around them; how they are treated as well as how
they are encouraged to treat and understand others. When
children are encouraged to come to peaceful resolutions,
to make a decision, or to bridge a gap of misunderstanding,
they feel proud. Pride builds self-respect. Self-respect
builds confidence in others. Confidence in others builds
respect for others. Respect for others builds respect for
the world.
Some
elements of respect include self-respect, empathy and kindness
toward others, an appreciation of diversity, willingness
to follow classroom and school rules, and care for the classroom
and school environment. On a developmental continuum, we
expect young children to begin to develop an awareness of
feelings, awareness of similarities and differences, awareness
of the need for group guidelines, awareness of others and
how they are treated. Older children, however, are expected
to begin to show self direction, independent consideration
and caring for others, a willingness to help, tolerance
and acceptance of others and independent caring for classroom,
school and personal property.
The
movement from simple awareness of others to independent
caring and considerate treatment of others is a maturing
process. Children watch what adults do, listen to what we
say, learn from our interactions with others and the way
we treat our environment. When you go to the effort to establish
a household recycling routine, or you share the reasons
why you conserve gas, heat, or water for example, you are
teaching your child the value and the meaning behind respect
for the environment. When you talk about others in an understanding
and forgiving manner, particularly after conflicts or disagreements,
you are teaching your child the value of appreciating other
points of view and showing respect for others. Ask your
child how they show respect for other people. Maybe they
remember to say please and thank you, try not to interrupt
others when they are talking, or listen respectfully to
the opinions of people they disagree with. Ask your child
about a person they respect and what makes them respect
that person. Encourage your child to demonstrate their respect
for all people, adults and children, and help them to reflect
on how doing so makes them feel about themselves.
We
need to help our children develop a forgiving and understanding
attitude toward themselves so that they will be capable
of understanding and showing respect for others. Help your
children identify those things that make them special and
unique. Help them feel proud of their efforts and their
growth. Help them notice how well they are doing! When they
have made mistakes and corrected them, give them generous
praise for the difficult task of change. Help them understand
that is how they are growing up!
Some
Ideas About Responsibility From Your School Psychologist
By Kate Eschen
|
Westgate's
Cougar Pride character trait for October is Responsibility.
If you break apart the word responsibility you get two root
words: respond and ability. Responsibility is literally
the ability to respond or take action. However, as parents
and educators we want to ensure that children are not only
able to respond but also develop a sense of thoughtfulness
and accountability for the actions they choose. Children
who learn some sense of responsibility early in their childhood
tend to be more self-sufficient, less codependent, and more
likely to take responsibility for their own actions in adulthood.
Responsibility is a learned skill and it is our role, as
adults, to ensure that we provide children with the tools
to learn this very critical skill early in life.
A
child can be provided with the opportunity to start learning
responsibility at a very young age. Children who are raised
in a consequences free environment never have the opportunity
to learn how to take responsibility for their actions. Adults
who feel that they are creating a safe haven for their children
by not allowing them to experience negative consequences
for negative actions create irresponsible children who tend
to approach all life situations with a sense of entitlement;
a "the world owes me" kind of attitude. In adulthood,
this attitude can lead to a real sense of discontent as
other people in the person's life do not provide that enabling
role.
To
help create a responsible adult, hold your child accountable
for their mistakes by allowing them to discuss their decision
making and be involved in deciding on appropriate consequences.
Help them to become willing to admit their involvement or
contribution to a situation. Teach them to apologize and
learn from their mistakes. Help them to learn from irresponsible
actions by taking thoughtful and meaningful steps to put
things right. Teach them responsibility by giving them chores
to do at home and setting up schedules or rules for finishing
their homework. Encourage financial responsibility by opening
a bank account for your child or helping them save with
a piggy bank. Give them opportunities to accomplish daily
tasks on their own and teach them ways to plan and follow
through on goals.
Encourage
your child to do what they are supposed to do, to always
try their best, to use self-control and think before they
act by considering the consequences. Most of all teach them
to be accountable for their choices and to take responsibility
for their actions, in all areas of their life.
Some
Ideas About Reflection/Self-Awareness
From Your School Psychologist
Kate Eschen
|
Westgate's
Cougar Pride character trait for November is Reflection/Self-Awareness.
When children are able to reflect on their actions and are
aware of their feelings as well as strengths and weaknesses
they are happier and better able to treat themselves and
others well. As parents and educators we need to help children
gain an awareness of and ability to express thoughts, feelings
and wants in appropriate ways. Children need instruction
and examples of how to reflect on their own learning and
evaluate their behavior for the purpose of improving themselves.
We need to encourage children to set goals for themselves
as learners, as friends, and as family members.
A
first step in developing self-awareness and reflection is
differentiating emotions. When you share how you are feeling
and use a vocabulary that differentiates between feelings,
you are helping your child increase their awareness of their
own feelings as well as yours. Children may have a simple
feeling vocabulary of sad, mad, happy, but when they begin
to know what it feels like to be proud, embarrassed, confused,
excited, loving, anxious, or tense, for example, their emotional
world opens up and has importance. This builds the awareness
and understanding of how others feel too. This builds empathy
or the appreciation for the feeling experiences of others
and the ability to know, from personal experience and awareness,
how to treat others.
When
your child simply describes things as good or bad, or refers
to another child or himself/herself as good or bad, you
have a perfect opportunity to help expand your child's level
of understanding. "Good" and "bad" are
words that hold only judgmental meanings. All children are
"good". Their behavior may drive us crazy some
days, but underneath it all they are simply behaving in
a way that expresses frustration, anxiety, confusion, sadness,
or excitement. Help your child discover what he or she means,
by expanding his or her vocabulary so that it really describes
what his or her experience is. Then encourage them to set
goals and reflect on their personal feelings and growth.
Help them to think about what experiences make them feel
certain ways and about whether they are comfortable with
these feelings or experiences. If not, encourage them to
reflect on how to change either their experiences or their
thinking in order to make themselves more at peace with
their environment or themselves.
Whenever
you can, encourage your child to reflect on what they have
done, how it makes them feel and what they liked or didn't
like about that experience. Help them think about what usually
makes them happy or sad or embarrassed. Help your child
to discover what they are successful at and what they need
more practice in. Encourage them to think about how they
learn and what tools they can use to help themselves learn
better. Acknowledge their feelings and validate differences
between yourself and your children and your children and
their friends or siblings. Help your child to gain a full
picture of himself/herself, including their successes and
failures as well as their positive and negative feelings,
in turn helping them to love who they are, all the while,
striving to grow to be the best person they can be.
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